


The Skirt

by twopinchesofcinnamon



Series: Sanders Sides One-Shots [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Crossdressing, M/M, the skirt - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-17 23:43:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15472716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twopinchesofcinnamon/pseuds/twopinchesofcinnamon
Summary: Roman and Virgil seem to be petrified of the Unspeakable Thing.Logan is understandably confused.





	The Skirt

It's a relatively normal day in the Mind Palace.

Thomas is hanging out with Joan elsewhere, so none of the sides really have to do any heavy lifting.

Virgil is holed up in his room with his music blaring while Patton mans the kitchen, practicing Thomas' new cooking recipes before he actually carries them out (last time, they let Logan in charge of the cooking, but it resulted in scorch marks where there should not be scorch marks and sauces where no one wants sauces, so they've opted for the moral side instead).

And Roman and Logan are residing in the living room, entranced by a fascinating TV show featuring a mysterious detective and his gawky sidekick (Logan is here for the murder mystery and Roman is here for the hot lead, but they've managed to bond over it anyway. There is much to appreciate when it comes to Buddledook Combypath).

All is well and good, and borderline unevent—

"GUYS," Virgil barrels through the door as if he has actually done a single sit-up in his lifetime (and, being a facet of Thomas' personality, he has most definitely not).

Logan blinks in a startled manner and Roman bounces approximately seven feet in the air, almost denting the ceiling (which does happen on occasion). They both recover fairly soon and rush to examine their friend, who tends to freak out over the many small things in life, hoping to reassure him if this is one of those times.

Logan's eyes run him up and down like a health inspector (Heavy breathing? Check. Dilated pupils? Check. Unsteady walking? Check) and decides that he must be experiencing a panic attack of some sort. Logan adjusts his imaginary cufflinks, because he knows just how to handle this.

However, when Roman sees him, his own face pales to match, because Virgil only ever looks like this for two reasons: anxiety attacks and the Unspeakable Thing. Either one can be disastrous, but the latter can be just  _catastrophic_.

"Whatever is the matter, Virgil?" Roman tries for empathetic, which he is certainly not known for, but has been working on for the sake of Thomas' mental health.

"Yes," Logan narrows his eyes as he tries to figure out what could be bothering the emo side, "what is troubling you?"

Virgil fixes his wide eyes on Roman meaningfully. He makes a distressed fanning motion with his hands, emitting sounds akin to that of an injured sea lion.

Logan doesn't speak fangirl, but it is a language Roman knows all too well.

The princely side grows even whiter as the two exchange silent conversation, somehow understanding the wacky game of charades, "Don't tell me—"

"Yes," Virgil frantically confirms, "It's happening again."

Gasping in horror, Roman cries, "It has been six months! I thought he had gotten rid of it! What shall we do?!"

"Don't worry, I already have a plan. We can just head to my room and blast MCR so loud that he assumes I'm having another existential crisis. He'll think that you're helping me and will therefore leave us alone," Virgil recites, whipping out his notebook with a seven-step protocol on what to do when the Unspeakable Thing happens.

"So sorry to interrupt this little rendezvous," Logan states, not sorry in the slightest, "but what are you two going on about?"

The other two turn their heads shakily to stare at him as sweat slides down their faces like raindrops.

"Good god," Roman says.

"Holy fucking shit," Virgil says.

"Have we not told you?" Roman inquires, running his hands nervously through his hair.

"Of course we haven't," Virgil points out, huffing, "he started this thing with us two months ago. There's no way he could know."

This 'thing' he is referring to their relationship. Technically, it qualifies as polyamory, but the sides don't like to put a label on it (And, even more technically, they are part of the same person. So, maybe just narcissism will suffice?). Logan had considered himself uninterested in pursuing any relationship of at all up until Patton brought up the idea and aggressively requested it. Logan held out for a while, but there's only so much one can do when roses drop from the sky every time he enters a room. He still finds petals on the ground occasionally. And in his clothes. And his food.

"Okay," Roman starts explaining, looking nervous for once in his life, "there's this... _thing_ that Patton does every so often."

Logan interjects, "So far you have given me nothing tangible to go on. I need more than just 'the thing,'" he uses finger quotes, which is something Virgil has been teaching him how to do in his spare time.

"Nice," Virgil says, referring to Logan's correct use of finger quotes (and thank God, because  
he wasn't sure if this was the proper context).

"Nothing about this is nice!" Roman reprimands, slapping Virgil's shoulder.

"Well, you can't even spit the words out, so I'll have to tell him."

"Please do," Logan chimes, thoroughly annoyed.

"Alright," Virgil prepares himself by cracking his knuckles and neck, "Patton is..." he trails off, chickening out at the last second.

"He's wearing the..." Roman attempts to help, but he himself isn't brace enough and the words catch in his throat.

Logan raises a mocking eyebrow.

"He's wearing The Skirt!" Virgil tears the band-aid off with a half-yell-half-screech.

Roman and Virgil stare at Logan expectantly with wide eyes and pursed lips.

The Skirt?

Logan racks his brain for any meaning to the phrase, "Is that supposed to mean something to me?"

Shocked, Roman replies, "Yes! It's The Skirt, Logan!"

"The _Skirt_!" Virgil repeats with more emotion than Logan's ever seen him use (including that time that Roman covered his entire room in sea salt for no reason other than 'you were acting particularly salty today, Virgil').

"What skirt?"

Affronted, the other two gasp as if he'd insulted them personally (which he essentially had).

"Guys, what skirt?" Logan hates being left out of the circle.

"It's the..." Virgil explains, pausing to find the words to describe the anomaly they speak of, "It's the pale blue skirt that Patton wears on special occasions."

Roman nods solemnly along with his words, biting his precisely manicured fingernails.

Logan scrunches his face in pure confusion, "What's wrong with The Skirt?"

"Nothing!" They both clarify simultaneously.

"Then what, might I ask, is the problem!?" he is befuddled and a little angered at this point.

"You see..." Roman starts.

"He looks really good," Virgil mumbles in a whisper, embarrassed.

"I can't hear you."

"Aye aye captain," Roman supplies helpfully.

Logan glares at the fanciful side, who withers under his gaze.

"I said, he looks really good," Virgil finally explains.

Logan blinks.

"Is that the only reason you two are freaking out? Because he 'looks good'?" He says in complete and utter exasperation.

"He looks _really_ good, Logan," Roman emphasizes.

Logan rolls his eyes at them, "It is an article of clothing. There's nothing about it that would change his actual physical appearance in any way."

Virgil growls softly, "We know that. It's just—it's different, okay?"

"What 5 Seconds of Sadness over here said," Roman points to Virgil, nodding his head.

"You two are ridiculous," Logan says, "If you feel it fit to leave Patton all alone due to a simple skirt, then feel free. I will remain here until he's ready for our afternoon movie."

"If you're sure," Roman begins to walk towards Virgil's room, wearily watching the door.

"Good luck, Logan," Virgil solemnly pats him on the back.

Roman calls out "Ditto!" as he dashes out of the room.

Virgil backs out along with him, giving Logan a nervous thumbs up.

Logan scoffs at both of their antics.

What could be so amazing about The Skirt?

***

"—HE SAID 'SON, WHEN YOU GROW UP, WILL YOU BE THE SAVIOR OF THE BROKEN, THE BEATEN AND THE DAM—"

 _Knock. Knock. Knock_.

"—YOUR DEMONS, AND ALL THE NON-BELIEVERS? THE PLANS THAT THEY HAVE MA—"

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock._

"—TO LEAD YOU IN THE SUMMER TO JOIN THE BLACK PARAD—"

 _KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK_.

"Roman, get the door!" Virgil yells over the blasting music.

The prince flops off of the bed, tactfully stepping over the bottles of eyeliner that cover the entire floor (Virgil has a vast collection). Slowly he reaches the door and opens it a crack.

"Let. Me. In," Logan yanks the door open and hastily slams it behind him.

Rendered speechless, Logan just nods.

"It's okay," Virgil whispers comfortingly.

"Let it all out," Roman urges, thinking on his feet and snatching some ice cream from the secret freezer (installed for occasions like this).

Logan wheezes through his labored breathing, "I was not aware that a skirt could be so aesthetically pleasing."

"Me too, buddy. Me too. Come on, listen to the music and don't think about it."

(Gerard Way is a very prominent source of comfort in Virgil's life).

In a daze, Logan plops onto the purple clad bed. Roman and Virgil wriggle up next to him and they collectively sit in silence. He contemplates his life choices quietly in the other sides' presence.

Logan shivers and finally realizes the vast power of The Skirt.

He needs to start listening to the others' relationship advice.

**Author's Note:**

> This is total crack and I don't know why I made it but I'm kind of in love?


End file.
